1. 6 hours to go

    Apr 21, 2012

    i’m in canada for an hour, it is 11pm friday the 20th here. it’s 1:30pm saturday the 21st in cambodia. it’s 2am saturday the 21st in new york, it’s 12:30pm saturday the 21st in hong kong and thailand. 

    being completely disoriented, exhausted, excited, sad, and all by myself has made me sort of a walking zombie wreck. 

    culture shock and the fact that i’m actually gone from cambodia, i’ve left, and life there is over, is seeping in- rapidly. 

    there were water fountains in hong kong, free clean tap water to drink. 

    strangers dont smile just out of their own friendly nature

    people wear dark colors and not pajamas and fun prints

    people are in a rush and agitated and raise their voices and everyone is on their cell phones

    there is so much to eat and such a plethora of choices that just looking at the fast food lines and food courts in every airport makes me slightly ill

    i know that at the end of this 32 hour travel day there will be my big brothers to hug, my dog to pet, an actual couch, blueberries, family, the house i grew up in, best friends, a wardrobe of clean clothes, a hot shower, a day without bug spray…and i am so unbelievably excited. 

    but it’s going to be hard. as i wait to board my 4th flight of the day? i know alex, shelby, and amanda are traveling on this day too. and i know that in a week when we reunite at union, i can just sort of imagine us sitting in silence for a while but knowing that we’re all feeling the same thing. 

    this fellowship was such an experience that i’ll be forever changed. i can’t wait to send e-mails and photos of home and my family and the places i love back to the students at the global child. i can’t wait to hear about their progress, and i can’t wait to hear from other expat friends i’ve left in siem reap who continue on their travels or plan a trip to new york or who i may see or call upon in years to come. 

    a quote i’ve loved and tried to live by for a while is this “live simply so others may simply live” and the relationships i built in cambodia with my students and staff and khmer friends reiterates that. it feels often that in western countries- what you have, the things you buy can define you- the person with the porsche or the fancy bag- it becomes you- but, that shouldn’t be the case. what i’ll miss the most is sitting in the classroom with my grade 7 girls and watching them entertain themselves for hours, laughing, braiding their hair, sewing flowers and making bracelets. i really, i watched them for hours at school because it was so real and made me so happy to just see their happiness come from nothing but human relationships. 

    and on that note, i’ll stop rambling because i’ve only had about 7 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours and i’m fairly certain that the important things i’ve been trying to say are long lost and not going to make sense now.

    see ya in new york 

  2. just kidding

    Apr 20, 2012

    and then there was one more post…

    i’m sitting in the siem reap international airport and i have a headache. this has been the most curious of weeks, of months, of ten months. the fact that i am here approaching the 30 hour countdown to home, back through thailand, hong kong, vancouver, and jfk, is just a blink of an eye. 

    i’ve said goodbyes to everyone i needed to, but kept insisting it wasn’t goodbye, it was see you later. thank you so much, denzel washington, for saying that in the movie john Q because it has become my motto in times of change. 

    as other fellows have mentioned, leaving is so sad because it is so final. we made lives here, we succeeded in having a routine in finding comforts and knowing so many things and understanding everything that it is just plain sad in that respect that now that life is coming to a close. but i have no doubt in my mind i’ll be back to siem reap. and it might not be too far away that i come back, even if it is just to visit. 

    my mom woke me up this morning at 5:30am to have our last international call to wish me a safe flight. i spent my final hours in siem reap going for one last run around the river, listening to korean pop music with my girls (they came over to say goodbye), getting phone calls from khmer staff members saying goodbye and goodluck, riding my rickety bike into town, and eating the delicious cambodian fruit one last time at joe to go. i packed literally 10 minutes before getting into the tuk tuk and having the heat on my back and the sweat drip down my arms. 

    in the past 2 weeks i’ve been all over cambodia- the north east to mundolkiri province, smack dab in the middle in phnom penh, the south coast to kep, and just north of that to kampot by the river. i covered a lot of ground and saw a lot of amazing things i didn’t even know cambodia had— like mountains! it was peaceful and wonderful and went by just as fast as everything else in this fellowship has. 

    i remember as i sat in shared van on the way back to siem reap- i was sandwiched in between the insane driver and the passenger seat with a broken seatbelt looking straight out the front window accepting the fact that any accident would yield me immediate death, and another van passed. the van was filled with people, the trunk was open with people sitting basically on luggage with their legs dangling out, and then there were 15 people sitting on the roof of the van. this didn’t phase me one bit. while i studied the literal circus van of people, i just felt so elated at the fact that i’ve come to truly know and love cambodia.

    of course there were tough times and problems and illnesses and a whole handful of things that weren’t gum drops, but right now those things don’t register at all. this has been an experience that i can’t wait to share and will miss every day. 

  3. Quote

    Apr 14, 2012

    3 notes

    „You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, I told him, like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.“

    – ― Azar Nafisi in Reading Lolita in Tehran (via shelbycutter)

  4. Liminal Phase

    Apr 4, 2012

    A rite of passage is usually defined by a single ritual or ceremony in which one person moves from one status to another: a wedding, funeral, or graduation. With this change comes three stages, first introduced by Arnold van Gennep: separation, transition (liminal), and reincorporation. 

    But I never thought that a time and a place could be a rite of passage.

    This is my last week of school. But I’d call it my transition phase. I taught my last staff English and Chamreoun class on Monday. This morning was my unofficial last class with Grade 7 girls, and British men have hijacked soccer practice. So, I find myself with time to do….whatever I want?

    For the past 39 weeks I’ve been working 6 to 7 days a week. I’m used to having half a Sunday to my self, but now I have chunks of the day to…..buy gifts for family and friends…to go for a run…to sit and Joe to Go and write my final Khmer blog post.

    While self-reflection may be easiest and yield different results once I’m out of the field and back in Schenectady, New York City, Chappaqua, a shopping mall, or at Starbucks…I’m going to give it a go.

    Before leaving for Cambodia, my mom said to me: I want you to go, but I don’t want you to change. I think she can rest easy, for while I haven’t stopped being me, I have learned so much.

    I remember last year at a Fellow’s discussion panel, Elliot (Uganda ‘10) was reminiscing how people would ask what he would do once he started his real life after the fellowship. His response was something good like, my life has already started. And it’s true. This is my life and everything that happens here affects what happens there. (wherever that is)

    A lot of people has asked the forbidden, “what next”, question. I don’t mind answering for my immediate plans are kind of awesome: go to Union for a month, go to a music festival, drive around the country, help my parent’s move out of our Chappaqua home, and enjoy my brother’s wedding.

    So, here is what I’ve figured out so far.

    I, along with many other ambitious people, would like to make the world a better place. There are problems all over the world. Cambodia has an insane amount of them, and they’re not going to get fixed right away or even in the foreseeable future. What is needed is time, lots of time, patience, teamwork, and passion. 

    I don’t know when I’ll be back in Cambodia, but wherever I am headed, I’ve gained a wealth of knowledge and experience on public speaking, thinking outside the box, teaching, responsibility, and my own strengths and weaknesses. Teaching has led me to overcome any lasting qualms with public speaking, and also taught me to be quick on my feet, how to think of a thousand different wants to explain a word, phrase, or idea, how to have a successful party with some trash bins and string, and how to really love what you do. I love the students at the Global Child, and feeling strongly about a job leads you to the results you want. 

    If anyone asks me if I regret coming to Cambodia, or if there’s something I wish I had done, or a project that never passed, I will smile and say there is absolutely nothing I regret about my time here. About any of my time or actions anywhere, I have no regrets. I truly believe in learning from your mistakes and successes. 

    Truly, this experience, this life that I have lived for ten months has been pretty indescribable. I think being in this weird transition phase between life in Cambodia and pending life in the States has been great and necessary; the past two weeks, everything I’ve done has been coming to a close. As I mentioned before, my classes are in good and capable hands, my house is getting tidied day by day, I’m saying my goodbyes, giving out gifts, and crossing things off the to-do list. The projects are waiting for next year’s fellows, the final hugs and tears are waiting to be shed, but really- my fellowship is being put in it’s little box and tied with a bow.

    And then upon my return, it will be time to tell the tale. 

    AKUHN CHEERAN, SREY HI NUNG PiRO SAART

    (thank you very much, beautiful girls and boys) 

  5. last lasts

    Mar 29, 2012

    the time i imaged many times but never thought would come is arriving. 

    i’ve started to have my last lasts: 

    my “last class” (but i still get to come to school next week even though i’m officially off the schedule) 

    my last casual collaboration! at joe to go— great success

    the newly renovated grade 7 classroom

    with three weeks left in cambodia, i’m giving it everything i have. putting my classes into good hands with 4 new volunteers at TGC. starting my malaria pills again for the trip to mondol-kiri. buying and giving presents. planning a mini-vacation to the coast with my best friend (who will comfort me after saying goodbye to tgc)…and then…the long haul back????

    see you when i see you america…7:30am april 21. 

  6. why did the teacher wear sunglasses? because her students were so bright!

    Mar 21, 2012

    one difference about cambodia and the us is perception of beauty.

    today it is 97 degrees and 100% humidity. i’m wearing the same smelly shirt and skirt i wear…many…times a week. i have a stuffy nose and itchy eyes from allergies. i am a sweat monster.

    the only way to battle said heat is plopping my disgusting hair in a bun that resembles a birds nest or pile of dirty leaves.

    but when i get to school i am greeted with:
    “ooooh you look so nice today!”
    “wow teacher, why you so pretty today?”
    “oooyoo teacher, your hair!”

    and no, they’re not being sarcastic because they have also said from time to time:
    “you have a pimple. it is gross like pirons!”
    “you are fatter than she is, you fat today”
    “take off your glasses, you more pretty”

    hmmm.

  7. Vignettes

    Mar 15, 2012

    1) How to become an expert at anything

    GOOGLE. This week was the first day of painting the classrooms. How do you paint a classroom you ask? No idea. But now, I do. I spent four hours moving around furniture, sanding walls, scrubbing dirt, adding water to paint, dumping paint in the sink, rolling paint, and inhaling fumes. SUCCESS. (sort of)…still a work in progress. 

    2) How to survive soccer practice

    You don’t. Soccer practice is complete chaos. In the little amount of field we have there is are hazardous waste materials, ripped up Khmer love letters, fruit trees, volleyballs flying, soccer balls being kicked as hard as possible, stray dogs, motos, bikes, and red ants. It’s insanity and it’s awesome. 

    3) How to explain why racism is unnecessary

    While trying to teach about influential women on Int’l Women’s Day, my student said, not politically correct by US standards, “but she’s black, in Cambodia, we think white skin in beautiful.” And I said, “Okay, but white skin is just on the outside, right? So what about inside. Are our brains and minds still the same from one skin color to the other?” Stumped her. 

    4) How to win a tickle match against a student who is smaller than you

    Never put your guard down. Know the moment you walk downstairs, you could be ambushed by Srey Kouch. Chase her around the school 3 times if you have to. Catch her when she’s going to class. She will retaliate. Tickling hurts so much. 

    5) How to NOT be psyched to leave Cambodia

    Don’t read a journal entry from leaving Australia that says; “Being home is weird. I feel like I have nothing to do but like I have everything to do. I hung out with a friend and she talked about herself for an hour straight. It made me so mad I could have punched her in the face. I think I’m depressed.”………Cause that’s definitely not going to help.

    6) How to be sort of ready to return to America

    When you’ve had the third dream in a row about granola with blueberries and raspberries, or you honestly miss the smell of the New York subway, or can’t wait to run up a hill for 5 minutes? It might be time. 


  8. the girl effect

    Mar 1, 2012

    I love to read. But I only get a chance to when I can’t move. And I can only not move when I’m really sick, really hot, or really cold. Unfortunately, I had the pleasure of my monthly Cambodian illness this week; from fever to heartburn. The plus side were the gifts of mangoes, bread rolls, and soup from various admirers, and the chance to read a book called Half the Sky: How to Change the World, by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn. 

    Written by two NYT journalists, it was an engaging book of research: fieldwork, interviews, case studies, and statistics from all over the world about gender discrimination- female discrimination. In forms or sex trafficking, infant neglect, ill-prepared childbirth, bride burning, and rape from Cambodia, India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Congo, and Ethiopia—Kristof and Wudunn made a strong point over and over just how unequal women are in the world.

    The mortifying, disgusting stories were countered with each survival story that came with it. Each story had a girl who survived and fought and was now a hero for all other girls and women in the village. Not only was the book educational about all the horrors of the world, but also it was extremely informative in the positive works of social entrepreneurs, and different organizations that have studied and proven just how valuable girls are.

    “You educate a boy and you’re educating an individual. You educate a girl and you’re educating an entire village.” In the survival stories alone, you can’t help but smile- girls are relentless, hard workers, stubborn, and fighters. To emphasize this they explained The Girl Effect: Women are the key to development and growth. To ease repression, educate girls and also boys. Give girls freedom to move to cities, take factory jobs, benefit from a demographic dividend, as they delay marriage and reduce childbearing- women can finance education of younger relatives and save enough to boost national savings rates. 

    If girls are the key, then there’s a lot to be done in order to have repressive cultures and lackadaisical governments change their medieval ways. That’s where social entrepreneurs come in. The changing of laws and policies may mean something on paper, but they can be improperly implemented and never reach outside of major cities. Allan Rosenfield combined public health with practicality. He couldn’t reduce pregnancies in Thailand by passing out condoms and pill prescriptions, but found something as simple as subsidizing school uniforms in order to keep girls in school reduced pregnancies. Education. Education. Education. A policy can’t be passed and expected to work if the people in the country aren’t educated about their own human rights and needs. 

    And so, in between naps, class, and headaches I read this book. Not only did it inspire me to look up all the organizations mentioned in search for future employment. But it put my situation into even more of a perspective. I am so lucky. I know how lucky I am, to have grown up in a country where comparatively, women are equal. I grew up in a family with a strong mother, who argued right back with my father, and who slapped softball coaches’ husbands (love you mom), and had a mother, my grandmother, who was a force to be reckoned with. I am who I am because of the fighting women I come from. 

    Now, I can take my human rights, my education, my knowledge, and my worldview here to TGC. I teach 11 girls. In a predominately female school, I have the ability to teach these girls…But the truth is… with out without me, my girls have spunk. They’ve got the fire in them, they love to learn, and they are the toughest little ladies I know. Really. They made me so proud and it has nothing to do with me. 

  9. Photoset

    Feb 25, 2012

    PUPPET PARADE!!!!!!!

  10. gone in 60 days

    Feb 20, 2012

    while I could take a whole blog post to write about Vietnam (good food, many unfriendly people, cold weather, lots of Chinese influence), and my parents trip here (it was GREAT)………. I won’t (sorry M, D, and Gary and Gillian)…….because I HAVE EXACTLY 2 MONTHS LEFT IN CAMBODIA, and i have A LOT TO DO!!!!!!

    1) the giant puppet parade is on saturday— exactly what it sounds like, a big parade with over 450 khmer children and some wild puppets- we have a bird and scorpion this year!

    2) PAINTING THE CLASSROOMS— my final big project which will take all march, to paint the two downstairs classrooms (on sundays) bright colors with all the kids. yay! too bad i’ll leave without teaching in our brand spankin- new classrooms.

    3) Bookmark project/aprons/canvas bag— judy and nimol have us busy, the kids are making bookmarks for sale and to put in the hotel rooms at the Victoriaaaaaaa. as well as some more items painted by the kids

    4) MICROFINANCING/CLASSES FOR PARENTS/community— a new project in  the works, and a vERY IMPORTANT ONE AT THAT- helping the student’s parents to start their own small businesses….also…community english, computer, and well-being classes. MUCHO IMPORTANTE.

    5) COLLABORATion CAMBODIA— planning my final two events (end of feb, end of march). we finally have fliers to hand out and are becoming more of a presence in siem reap…..just in time for me to depart.

    THE GOOD NEWS??????? two new fellows have been selected by tom and hal- congratulations amanda and ian! we shall leave you with a lot of things to do and you will have the opportunity to see what you think needs to be done. i’m very jeealous already that you will come to siem reap, KAMPUCHEA!